Spring?

Spring has sprung?  Not here it sure the heck hasn't.........we're expected to get 6-7 inches of wet, heavy snow this evening into tomorrow.  Yuck.....bleck........phooey........I'm really sick of winter and ready for the comfy temps of spring and the hot summer sun tanning my shoulders.

We had a heck of good time last night riding though.  It was almost 50, a strange warm breeze rolling across the pastures.  We spent a huge amount of time trying to catch that black demon Little Bit rides.  He just refused to be caught.  LEG on the other hand.....she WANTED to be caught and WANTED to be ridden. 

 "Mom, I was NOT irritating that palomino paint.  She started it."

 "Don't look at me like that.  I can look back at you JUST THE SAME!"

I was planning on riding Sammy and LB's friend was on O'man.......so, LB decided to skip messing with her firecracker and ride my mustang instead.  SHE LOVED RIDING EVE.  She even offered to "trade" horses.  Oh no way...........but it did get me thinking.

LEG and Sundance are from the same herd.  At liberty, Sundance moves in the same floaty way LEG does...........but he's a helluva lot faster than she is.  He's coming up to us in the pasture every time we are out.  Sometimes he's the first one to the fence or gate.  He wants us to take him into the arena...........I think he's ready

It's a quiet, boring day...........the calm before the storm.

Seems like a good day to go work a mustang.............

Wish me luck!!

One of Life's Biggest Lessons

I ordered this from "SimplySaid" via my dear friend, CS.  I got it because as many know, our family has gone through some huge life changes.  At first, I really felt as if my world was ending.

In the truest sense........It was!

I wasn't prepared for it and it was terrifying.

These changes have come with great emotional cost as well as financial.  Yet, somehow....I seemed to evolve just a little with each hard hit and change.

Unfortunately, I have stalkers who just can't "let go" of something I apparently did to them.  I somehow wronged them personally.  I've mentioned this before.  I can't post pics on here without fear they'll show up somewhere else or be used against me in some manner.  Pretty sad since this is a blog for me, my family, and friends who we're no longer able to see as much any more.  I guess perhaps their ultimate goal is for me to disappear......hell, they probably wish I would take a long walk off a short pier and swallowed up by a great white shark.  I'm smart though, I stay out of the ocean!  But, if you know me.....really know me, you are vaguely aware of my intense fear of sharks.  It's why I ended up getting my education degree and not a marine biology degree.

Now, since BOTH my stalkers religiously read my blog, please pay close attention.

Neither of you mean anything to me.  However, since both of you have recently decided to make comments on the net about me, it seems only fair that I use my own blog so you are sure to see this.

Stalker #1: you can say ugly, defaming, nasty lies about me all over the net as much as you like.  You are not someone in my world and the people who I care about know who I am. They know what I look like.  They know my faults and guess what, they don't care.  You've made it abundantly clear you "think" you know who I am........you are sadly, sadly mistaken.  You follow my facebook page (well, the open pics at least) and stalk my personal blog, trolling for ammo....go ahead, it's not going to change a damn thing.  All it does is give everyone the continued understanding that you have a personal vendetta against me, though you won't admit who you are.  You've even gone so far as to admit you've never met me or had any interaction with me.  So, you hate me because of things you've "heard" on the net. You're an internet stalker and bully, nothing more.  Pssst.....do you feel some kind of power posting pics of me from 3 yrs ago?  Can't get any more current?  Perhaps if you put half as much energy into something positive as you do internet stalking me, you could do something seriously positive and productive with your life.

Stalker #2:  I know EXACTLY who you are. You read my blog, freaking out that I might say something about you or your bf.  You alienated friends accusing them of "feeding information" to me about you.  You even have someone writing letters to business acquaintances and making wild accusations about me, Mr. P, and my daughters.  You are mentally ill.  You need serious, serious help.  You religiously read this blog hoping to see me say something about you.  Today's your lucky day.........but, unlike other trolls, I'm not an idiot.  I won't say your name.  Only you will know that I am talking to you.  Hopefully this little cameo will spur you to stop visiting my blog (don't deny it)....You commented.  Sick, truly sick.  Now, go away.

Anyway.....now that I've given both my stalkers their 15 secs of my time, about those big lessons in life.......when I saw that SS design, I knew I had to have it.  I see it every day and it reminds me to look at the beautiful things I have in my life.  I have a wonderful hubby & two awesome daughters.  I have the small "herd" of horses we kept & am getting to spend amazing amounts of time with them.........something the past years have not allowed.  2008....that was the last time I really had a chance to spend time like I am now.  I have Yellow Dog and our walks.  I have the new small set of friends I've met here and enjoy getting to know them.

 

But the design means even more to me.....butterflies are close to my heart.  My real friends know why.  My mother can tell you.  Those who have ever been around me and outside can tell you.  And, my dear baby J knows..........

I've been contemplating getting another tattoo.....I was thinking about getting one of Evie and eventually I'll have Sammy on my other shoulder........but I do believe I'm going to get a tiny little butterfly........

When One Book Closes.........

another one opens,  As cliche' as it sounds, it's true.

Sometimes though,the book is more like a teen fashion magazine  At least that's how I feel about the transition from my old life to the one I am now living.  It was trite and not really worth reading.

Things are so very different now when you look at where we were a year ago.  Fear held me back; caring about others more than they cared about me was another.  I have to say, once again, I'm happier now than then.

The final step toward closing the old book completely and throwing away the magazine took place over the last week........we've gotten rid of all the horses but a handful.  I no longer care for my own horses.  I write a check and let someone else do all the work.

I've spent more time with my horses in the last 4 days than I have in nearly a year.  I've had time to spend with Eve and Sam, real time.  Eve has remembered how to lunge though she's not been on a line in nearly 18 mos.....Sam remembered his warm up routine from when I rode him in an indoor every day in 2003......Sundance has decided he wants to be gentled & is the first to meet me at the gate when I whistle. 

Super Fuzzy Mustang

Lady Evie Gray

Finished working on the lunge

I'm excited to be in this "new book".......It's about 3 years over due.

David Bowie Explains It

Changes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3vxEudif8

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time

The Epiphany

I was flopped on the couch last night when I had an epiphany.  It took a snowstorm that dumped like 10 inches of snow on me for it to hit me.

I'm stuck in Missouri.......because I was doing for others.

I'm sure there is someone out there who is going to read this and call me a selfish bitch; but, I don't really care.  Truth is truth; and, yes, it really does hurt.

I spent years of my life training youth riders, providing therapy to those who other facilities would not take and providing quiet, safe family horses to people at reasonable prices.  For this, I've been called everything but "white" and accused of everything from lying to cheating to stealing to animal abuse.  I've turned the other cheek time and time again.  I always believed the people I was provided a service to at reasonable prices would be grateful or thankful or something.

Instead, when things don't go their way, they point fingers and make up lies.
Or, when they want to move on, they create accusations.

I'm not stupid.  People are not going to board their horses forever.  There comes a time in every students life when they are ready to move forward, move on, or just plain quit.  I can count the number of students who needed to move their horses or change disciplines who did so with dignity, grace, and remained in close contact to this day. 

The rest, I assume felt some kind of guilt.  It's human nature really, part of the psyche.  To preserve one's own comfort, equilibrium so to speak, you must lay blame on someone else.  This means you are free to move on, make a change, and the other person is the bad guy.

I'm not stupid.  I saw all of the moves to make me out to be the bad guy long before the person who was wanting to make a change even realized they were posturing.  Kids pushing the rules of the barn.  People suddenly going "trail riding" at a pay operation even though they owned a horse and never bothered to take their own horse out to a park or invest in a trailer.  Trashing my barn, stiffing me with vet and farrier bills, not paying their board.........but, I'm the bad guy.

I'm stuck here now, when I could have left years ago.  I always thought when "this day" came, I'd quietly retire and feel at peace.  As the snow fell, I had a great sense of loss and despair come over me.  In some ways, I feel like I wasted the last 12 yrs of my life.

Then, I shake it off and have to thank every last one of the people who screwed us out of board or abandoned 5 horses with us or moved out in the middle of the night.  Your idiotic behavior has led to a book which I hope to have out in hard copy by mid-summer.  Thank you.......without your thoughtless, unkind, immoral behavior, I would not have the material for the book!!!!

I resigned myself to the idea that I'm stuck in a small town where I have no friends nearby for at least another 5 yrs.  Little Bit is happy, happy here and THAT is important.  I'm excited she's looking at the liberal arts college down the street.  I'm ecstatic she wants to stay home in her "college pad' we're creating on the 2nd floor of this old house.  March 23rd we have a college day and hopefully, she'll get some great scholarship offers!!

It doesn't change the fact that I made life choices out of concern for people who would sooner kick me in the head than help me to my feet.  Oh well.......at least my epiphany gave me a reality check!

I long for the days of riding with my three best friends:  Jack, Jamie, and Jill.  Those were among some of the happiest times in my life.  I will never forget the day I got dumped off of Jack due to a herd of deer.  I was out ahead of J & J, galloping through the bottoms...........and the herd cut across the trail in front of me.  Jack stopped dead in his tracks and I flew over it.  Every time I think about it, I can hear J giggling behind me.  Apparently, I had some serious "hang time" before slamming full force to the ground.  I miss those days.  Riding every day but sitting in traffic in a purple ranger with my red cowboy boots hanging out the window to get there.  Mucking stalls to pay for my board all summer.  Spending 12 hours a day leading trail rides and then, taking another out on Jack at dusk....swimming in the 17 ft deep "hole" in the creek.

Times have changed but there's no reason why I can't move forward and continue to be happy.  Though this post may seem negative, it's not.
I am pretty darn happy overall.......watching my horses gallop across the snow as we went down to feed them this afternoon and realizing that winter will so be over and the ride season will be upon us.......that helped bring me out of the funk the epiphany brought on.

I do wonder about the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same". I certainly hope so.  Because I'd like to go back in time a bit.............

Starting with this little mare.  J........keep your fingers crossed.

My Thing

We went out for seafood the other night and it reminded me of a conversation I had with someone several months ago.  The gist of the conversation was that "shrimp" was someone's "thing".....reserved for just that person.  I suppose the scampi was the trigger but I got to thinking about "things".

I am really glad my girls didn't get into this stupid concept.  "You can't barrel race, that's MY thing" or You can't wear a purple show shirt, that's MY color". 

I'm even more grateful that we don't have "my thing" with our kids.  While I respect spending time with each child individually and developing the mom-daughter or dad-daughter relationships, we strive to do things as a family.

Now, I have to admit, riding horses is a mom & little bit thing.  Not because Mr. P doesn't like to ride, it hurts his back............BADLY.  After just an hour in the saddle at a walk, he's in excruciating pain.  That means, riding is pretty much out for him.  He still helps us with the horses, admittedly with fewer horses......we don't need much help.  Little Bit feeds every day as her "job" so it's only the bigger stuff we rely on him for anymore.

As talking about the lack of "my thing", I realized the reason goes way back to when we were getting ready to get married and someone I respect very much gave us advice about our family and keeping our marriage strong .......especially as we add children to it.

He said, "Many couples start marriage and are just like their wedding ring a perfect circle with no end.  However, as they add children to that circle, they put them in the center, encircling them.  I urge you to bring your children to your circle but not inside of it.  Hold them close and become a family but never lose that circle of two."

I think we've done that............Mr P. is a wonderful man.  I cannot imagine my life without him.

I worry.......that ugly little stomach pain hit him a lot this year.  Stress is a trigger and we try hard to keep his stress to a minimum.  We don't push him to do "things" we know would stress him.

I guess what I'm saying is we don't have "my thing" in this house and we're happy that way.  We have "family things" and stuff we each like.  No one is ever excluded.

I'm really excited about spring........we have a new "thing" we're starting as a family and you'll just have to wait and see.............

Winter Weater Rant

My friends know I hate winter.
I don't know why I still live in Missouri.  I am miserable for then entire season.
Though this year, it was not as bad.......until yesterday.

I was responsible and went into work.  I got stuck there for 24 hours.
I'm not really complaining about it.  Someone had to do it.
It was not "hard".....just long and tiring.

Here's the rub though:  we knew this snow coming.
We knew it had the potential to create big issues.
Why couldn't the plow guy at work had some foresight to clear the parking lots a little better?

Mr. P has been clearing our driveway and sidewalks.  He's doing it with snow shovel.
People around us are using spades, leaf blowers, etc.  Why not just go out there with a teaspoon.

Then, there's the amount of time and resources that must be put towards getting the idiots who try to drive around in their itty bitty little cars in a foot of snow.  What the hell?

It's not like this snow was a surprise.  If you had to be at work....GO IN EARLY!
If you think you could get caught at work (like me).....PACK A BAG


I cannot believe how many people are so stupid and I still wonder:
WTH do I STILL live in Missouri