Oh Holy Almost a Month

Wow!!  It's almost been a month since I've had a chance to update.
It's been a busy 3+ weeks.

The hustle and bustle of the season has crept up on us.  We are soooooo NOT ready.
We didn't even get to decorate the house.
Somehow, we're missing an entire box of Christmas lights and evergreen.
I think it got damaged in the move from the Mushroom Mess to Fulton
The strands we had, all but one measly red, white and blue set, were dead.
This means we have our mantle decorated.
We also once again went with a small tree......HIGH HIGH HIGH up on a table

This would be.........due to our new puppy
Why in the heck is it that every Christmas, we seem to have a puppy in the house......either ours or a foster?

This year, it's a mastiff X named Henry.  He's available for adoption right now.  However, that may not be the case as his training progresses.  He is truly a smart and willing to please puppy.  His biggest issue is he wants to RUN in the house.  He's learned the command "WALK" and he slows.......for all of about 3 secs.
He's really quite sweet and truly wants to be a good boy.  He sits and lays down on command.  He gets up every morning at the exact same time (5:45 on the dot) wanting to go out.  He grabs his leash and heads right for the door.  He is an exceptional puppy for a creature only 4 mos old.

Anyway, I totally digressed there..........back to the "Holidays".  I'm sooooooooooooo not ready for Christmas this year.  I promised myself that I would get ready "all year long" and THAT did not happen.  Now, I'm kicking myself.  In fact, in just a few short minutes, I'll be heading to CoMo with LB, she's got a State Choir practice for a few hours and I'm going to try to do some Xmas shopping.  Funny thing about my Xmas shopping.  Every year....every single year....since she was born.....PC is ALWAYS done 1st.  I have no idea why.  She is easy to buy for I guess.  I don't know what it is but that's just how it is.  As of 2 weeks ago, she was the ONLY one I had anything bought for........what the heck????  

Years ago, when gifts would be wrapped and put out, LB noticed that PC had packages and she didn't.  She was CONVINCED we loved PC more than her.  Goofy.

I'm really not feeling it this year.  I have my earbuds in and have cranked up the Xmas tunes in an attempt to put myself "in the mood"........on that:

IT AIN'T WORKING!!!!!!!!!!

Ok....for my close friends, I know you are laughing.......yes Seahag....I am pointedly talking RIGHT AT YOU and BabyJ, you are pretty much being addressed as well........you all know that at least PART of this BAH HUMBUG is because of..........wait for it.........wait for it........

I know....I know....this is what everyone else sees when it starts to snow....the world is transformed into some kind of magical place.  I got news for, Sugar Plums...........this is what HELL looks like.

Hellfire and brimstone......no way........Hell will be a never ending winter with constant snowfall and everyone around me talking about how wonderful it is, getting ready to go ice skating and skiing and all that other crap y'all think is wicked fun.

When did this intense hatred of winter start?  When I took my 1st breath.....ok, maybe it was not THAT long ago.....but here's a little story about Miss Mendy and winter.....

My adorable little sister and I were taken to Art Hill in Forest Park in St. Louis to go sledding.  We went careening down that damn hill, heading straight for the lake at the bottom.  We had no control.  We knocked over several people.  She was screaming her little head off.  I couldn't control the effn sled.  I tried to stop it by putting my hand down (I was 5 or 6, give me a break) and cut my hand.  Some old dude stopped us but we knocked him in and we went in anyway.  I can't remember if Susie in her cute pink snow suit actually went in on not but I did.  I got soaked.  Susie was sobbing and I got yelled at.  This is just ONE of my oh so fond memories of me in the snow.

Yeah folks, winter and I do NOT agree.  Never have.

I'd like to try this.......Just once......Maybe I would hate it

Probably not :)
That looks like heaven on earth and a hell of a great way to spent the holidays!!

Ok......so having said that, how amusing is it that I had a dream about going strolling at Stephens Lake Park in a snowfall???  I must be going crazy.  Crazy like a fox .......or is that a Vixen.  Look, if the snow was not slippery or cold, maybe I'd feel differently.   According to the Seahag, snow can be warm.  In my dream it was.  Happy?  I did wake up smiling?  ;)

And NO.......NO .......NO......I am NOT NOT NOT NOT.....doing the Polar Plunge for Charity in the Lake .........STOP ASKING.........my arse is soooooo not jumping in a freezing cold lake for nothing.  It's not that I don't believe in charity work........but that is asking way too much of me.

Okay, time to get ready to brave the temps and the crowds and act happy.
Think I can do it??

Thanksgiving & Other Sappy Stuff

It's that time again............when we are expected one day a year to sit back and think about everything we should be thankful for........yep, one day a year.......it's kind of pathetic isn't it?  In our hectic lives, we can only devote one day a year to counting our blessings.  Yep......that's what our society has come to.......

Oh well, here it goes:

1.  I'm obviously thankful for my family.......the whole big mess of them....the ones that I don't see very often...who bounce around all over and live very far away.  But, I'm particularly fond of Mr. P & I am actually very grateful for him every day.  Even on days I fuss about his little annoying things, I am thankful for that man.  I am thankful to have been able to be able to provide a safe haven for my PC as she moved home.  I'm thankful for my Little Bit.  There is no one who can know how thankful I am for her.  I'm also very thankful for my brother Joe......

2.  I'm thankful for Yellow Dog.  I adore the big fluffy marshmallow.  As I am sitting here, cooking turkey dinner and writing, he is sitting at my feet.

He is just amazing.  He took the pain of Bonnie away and I am thankful for him every single day.   I am also pretty damn thankful for our little sausage, Petey Weetie & Funny Face Henry Poncho Pittie Maybe Mastiff Holy Gunna Be A Big Dog Puppy.

3.  I'm grateful for my job and some wonderful co-workers.  I love them, even on days when we are grouchy with each other.  It's a high stress environment.  It's hard work.  It's long days.  But, I love you guys and I am thankful for you.......

4.  I'm thankful for my horses and the wonderful place we've landed.  We are truly blessed.  I love them each for the special creatures they are:  Sam, Eve, Sundance, Nitro, Oreo, Libby, Bonanza & 2Socks.

5.  I'm thankful for my writing support team.  We are going to get this stuff published.  I just have to be patient and listen to what they are saying.  I'm sure Joe Green Eyes knows what he is talking about.  I am thankful for your advice.  Yes, I am listening.  Yes, I am taking it.....

6.  I'm oh so thankful for white chocolate mocha.

7.  I'm very thankful for synthroid and topomax & getting rid of Elvira.  After 18 mos, I'm FINALLY feeling well.  No more pain.  No more lethargy.  No more headaches.  18 pounds off and counting.  :)

8.  I have to say that I am thankful for veneers.  I can smile again.  Really smile.  While this is just a short term cosmetic fix......I can laugh and smile and be happy.  For anyone who cares, I am really happy.

9.  I'm thankful for new friends.  There are some very special people who have come into my life and our lives........It's been 19 mos exactly since we moved to Fulton.  We have all made some new friends & this is our home.  While I know it may sadden some of our old friends and family, it's unlikely we are ever coming "home".  St. Charles and the life we had there is a long time ago really.  I miss Jamie.....I miss Lisa....I miss Angela......but I'm thankful for my new life in Central Missouri & the new friends that not only I am making but for those people coming into the lives of my immediate family.   

10.  Finally, I'm thankful for anti-stalking laws.  Bright orange is really not becoming on anyone.  For this, I am also thankful.  For the record, I am sure someone is reading this.  Other people are sure that person is reading this as well.  I hope you will enjoy your 10x10 cell where you will have to read the same boring magazine every day.  Got to love Evolution.  I"m kinda thankful for that too!!!

There Is Nothing Better Than........

.....a warm fall day & being able to walk out of the back door of your barn to see this:

Unless perhaps it's this:

I cannot tell anyone how happy I am to have Bones back with us and to be able to tell my BFF that he will NEVER go anywhere again.  PINKIE PROMISE.

Now, get your cute little arse end out here so we can ride these fatties before winter hits full force!

Just a Little Tease

As I sat down in the amazing chair my Uncle Jake bought me as a graduation present.  It fit perfectly under the window of my dorm room and look out over the quad.  I loved this chair.  It was chic and funky at the same time.  I looked out over the quad, it was a flurry of activity with girls moving in.  There were hugs and tears and even cursing as a dog on a leash would occasionally tangle up a dad trying to move heavy boxes into the lobby of one of the buildings.  A pet friendly campus was one of the draws to choosing this school

Holy shit, I was actually moved into my dorm.  Freshman year at college and it was going to be freaking amazing.  

A sudden motion caught my eye.  Athena, my tiger striped cat found her new condo kitty and had jumped from the floor to the top  ledge.  She peered out the other window for a moment and then curled up in a ball.  Looks like the accommodations are more than appropriate.  

I snagged my schedule from my desk.  I didn't want to miss orientation for my work study program this evening.  I was completely thrilled.  I got my first pick:  stable hand!!!  Something I was used to and loved to do.  I also was hoping to be able to get one of the coveted exercise positions but those usually went to upperclassmen.  If it happened, it happened; if not, no big deal.  Life was just about perfect.

All except for that one little thing.  The one thing that could not let me ever truly be at peace.  The thing that always had me looking over my shoulder and would sometimes wake me up at night in a cold sweat.

The reason why I didn't want to go away to college, leaving my parents but especially my mom.  It's not what you might think.  I am not afraid for myself.  I worry about them.  Both of them.  With me no longer at home, it might leave them vulnerable to the wicked thing.

Trust me, if I had my way, I would take care of it.  But, just how do you deal with a psychotic nineteen year old girl who stalks your family and is fixated on your parents?

Well.............there it is.  The prologue of the book.
We are still working on the artwork for the cover.  
Thankfully, there's been A LOT of new material for it recently (wink wink)

If all goes well, this book should be available by the end of January.  I met with the editor over a really yummy cup of white chocolate mocha and James said that we are going to push for a hard back publish INSTEAD of an online gig.

While mentioning my editor, I have to thank him for some serious guidance on this book.  The original write of this book felt so much like "Letters" that it pretty much was the same book with just a different topic.  With gentle suggestions and careful considerations and then a heartfelt "Honey, pitch the whole F***ing thing and start over.  The topic and the STORY is a moneymaker but the style is used up."

So, I threw the whole thing.........all 623 pages in my trashcan computer and hit DELETE
I started FRESH with a new perspective.  

Once we really got into the editing of the book and changing the direction of this book, it became very liberating and freeing.  I have to say something here:

For several years, I have allowed people to walk on me for fear of losing clients when in reality, I needed to be a super big bitch and set very strict boundaries and limits.  I also let people know that I cared about them.....this gave them power over me with three words.  "You scared me."

I have news for every person who ever said that to me AFTER I pulled my bitch card and played it.  I was PROTECTING myself after you tried to screw me out of money, my livelihood and in many cases....breaking the law.

Case in point, there was a peach of a young lady who made it a point to break the rules.  She consistently rode with her cell phone out texting and when she was called on it & I took her cell phone away during drill team, I was called the wicked witch of the west.....only not so nicely.
Trust me, that sweet young thing mad the Godfather movies look rated G with as many times as she threw the F Bomb at me.  Then, after walking off MY ranch, she came back to give it to me again.  I never raised my voice.  I did not curse back.

Yet, the next day, I was informed that "You scare us."

Nah, it's an excuse and a way to try to bully me not into using the law to come after what is rightfully mine such as unpaid board, stiffed farrier and vet fees that I had to pay, charges posted to feed store accounts, stop payment on checks for services rendered, and yes, even horses that were sold to clients who merrily walked off with them without finishing paying for them.  

I turned the other cheek but "You scare me" was left ringing in my ears.

I am really sure that when you accepted that FREE HORSE after yours died of colic because your mother had to run for a cup of coffee instead of continuing to walk him, "I scared you"..... I'm also sure when you spent countless hours in my house year after year, "I scared you".

My response to this is now "Whatever"..............but I digress.
As those of you who know me have watched, there has been a transformation as this liberation took place.  

While it may be cliche', the saying is so very true:  The truth will set you free.
Sadly, some people cannot tell the truth.
It's not they don't want to; they are SICK.
When you have had a psychotic break and are experiencing delusions, hallucinations, and appear to have more than one mental illness going on, you can't help it.

While I may pity you, I will not allow myself to be trapped.  
YOU, my friend are the scary one.

Deep, deep dark levels of scary.

I also want to thank my friend for helping me understand schizoaffective disorder.
While I am not going to change my view and turn this book into something with fuzzy bunnies and unicorns that blow glitter and butterflies out their nostrils, I understand it's IMPOSSIBLE for the truth to set the antagonist of my book free.

She's a prisoner of her own mental illness.

Sawed Off Double Barreled Shotgun

Sometimes you just got to fire off a round to remind people that you are not to be messed with.

Sadly, when you are forced to fire off a round, it's often because people cannot leave things be.
People have their own agendas and just don't want to admit to it.
While trying to manipulate the world to see things their way and try to make themselves feel better, they twist things around.......all the while......forgetting the truth.........

Honesty and integrity are lost on these people and when you raise the shotgun up, they go:

"Whaaaaaat did I do???"

Figure it out.

Realty vs. Delusions

The reality is, I don't really pay much attention to things that are not right in front of me.  I don't have time any more.  I'm too busy with the things that matter in my life.  So, I still find it amusing there are people who think I care about what they are doing or even give them a passing thought.

I know for a fact, though I am not going to reveal exactly how I know this, that I am being stalked almost daily by someone.  Since I know you are reading this I have some sage advice:

Move on.  Get over it.  Seek professional help.

There are some serious delusions that I care about what people who have come into my life and left for whatever their reasons were.  I don't.  I'm happy.

I have a great job that I love.........even on days when it's rough, I really love my job.
I have my two kids and my two dogs.  My horses are safe and happy.
Our new home is awesome.

I have created a new life.  This is reality.

Well.....It's Been Awhile

It's been 2 mos since the last post.........Life is relatively boring.
We've settled into a routine:  work-horses-sleep....work-horses-sleep.....work-night to flop on couch-sleep
Yup, that's pretty much how it goes.

But....there's been a lot going on!!!

Let me preface this with saying I am sharing this info with my friends both close and wide.  Yes, it opens me up to nosy people who have an ax to grind due to their own mental illnesses and incapacitates.  Those aren't really my issues or problems.  It's on them.  If they choose to stalk me here, steal pics and make up lies....how pathetic are their lives?  At least I give meaning to someone I suppose!

Both LEG and I say "THHHHHHHHPPPP on them."

A couple of weeks ago, we posted a pic of LB riding a really nice drafty paint mare. We bought her as an investment horse for LB's FFA SAE and she really was not working out.  She preferred men and since Mr. P sure the heck is not riding.......I cannot remember the last time he was on a horse.........he just trims them which I am extremely grateful for.........anyway, no dudes around to handle her or ride her so we decided to sell her.  I IMMEDIATELY had some yahoos trying to tell me how wrong it was for us to sell a horse.

DUR DEE DURRRRR.........If NO ONE ever sells a horse, how can you BUY one.

Furthermore, we sold her to a g male rider.......who loves her and is planning on doing a little team sorting on her tank-like self........She's literally down the road from where we keep our other horses and she's in an AMAZING home!!!

We sold her for enough money let us buy a very nice Appendix TB and have a little $$$ in our pocket for gas and lunch on the day we went to pick up 2 Socks.  For my horse friends and stalkers alike.......especially the stalkers because we know how much you like to dig on the internet.........so do me a favor and figure this out...........we are looking for some INFO about 2 socks.

2 Socks...the Cloudy Eye

Here's what we were told:
He was boarded at Timberline Stables in New Bloomfield, MO and was being barrel raced.  According to the seller, he was a SKELETON when she bought him.  He was easy for them to handle while he was skinny but once fattened up, he began testing them.  She referred to him as BARN SOUR.  He also has a cloudy left eye and was sold as "blind" though field and stain testing shows he still has sight in it.  He was fussy on his test drive but we liked him.  He stands tied quietly for tacking, grooming, etc.  He stands perfectly still for mounting.  He rides nicely at the walk, trot, and lope and backs just lovely.  He is not hot at all but seems a little unbalanced, more than likely from lack of exercise.

2 Socks

Front Shot of 2 Socks

Anyway, we want to know more about 2 Socks.  If you can help us, please do!!!

Dixie, Libby, and Ozzy have also entered our lives.....a chestnut pony mare, a cute little gray roan appy and the most adorable miniature X Shetland I have ever met.  Libby and Dixie are investment horses for LB's SAE and I got Ozzy as a therapy horse with the hopes that he will one day be able to meander the courtyard at work bringing joy an mood stabilization to my patients.  A good friend is working on finding a reasonably priced harness and small wagon for Oz-man to pull.  Secretly, I am hoping for a RED WAGON and a black harness.........Ozzy has total rock star hair and I think he would look beyond Mick Jagger in a rig like that.

I am also THRILLED that Bonanza has reappeared in our life.  I just wish Baby J could get her arse end out my direction so we can go riding.  I may just have to have someone kidnap her..........

Don't worry, J.  Bones is staying with me forever........the girls love riding him (you should have seen Big Red riding him across the field, she opened him up and let him fly........he loved it and she had a blast too!!)  He's hanging out with LEG and the rest of my crew.........often the first to the gate to see me unless Sam chases him off before he can get there.

Speaking of Sam, he surprised me the other night and I could not help but have a tear slip down my cheek.  When I got out of my truck, he let loose with a HUGE whinny and the sound of it stopped me in my tracks.  It was the EXACT whinny Jack used to use.  I stopped and watched my boy gallop away from the away and prance at the gate, all excited to see me.  He let loose with that whinny again and in the distance, thunder rolled and just for an instance, as it trailed off, the old familiar sound of heavy hooves, a sound I will never forget or let go of, echoed across the sky.  As I kissed Sammy's soft nose, I reminded myself that Sam was with Jack for years.......best buddies.....so why wouldn't he know "my whinny".......

Sammy's a good boy and makes me smile and laugh almost every day........he gets a pout on his face if I don't slip the halter over his nose......he figured out that I have broken my own cardinal rule and carry cookies in a pocket......he's created his own way of showing affection to me........holding his face out in front of mine and brushing the side of it against my cheek (He copied this from Eve) but licking my cheek is all his move.  I can't believe how long I've been riding this horse........I looked through papers the other day and it was the spring of 2000 when he came into my life as a rowdy 2 yr old......13 yrs.......best $600 I ever spent on a horse!!

Moving right along........Sundance.......He's our fall project......I hope by Thanksgiving he is completely under saddle......he is so silly, sticking his nose in the halter when we go to get a horse to ride......he wants to come along and we've been slacking..........no more, he's going to wear his saddle and pony EVER time we ride......He's such a sweetheart........can't wait to see how this turns out........it's been a long, long, long time coming.

LEG, Oreo, Nitro.......are all spoiled rotten and enjoying the hours we get to spend in the saddle with them.......

I HATE that winter is around the bend.......but on the upside, we board where there's a nice warm barn with indoor riding so maybe winter won't be THAT bad.........who the heck am I kidding.........

EVERY WINTER IS AWFUL !!!!!!!!!

As for the rest of my life........
Yellow Dog is a freaking awesome therapy dog and LOVES to go to work.

Pete is getting his TDI certification and is well on his way to being a therapy dog.

Alice is a trainwreck but one of the sweetest kittens I've ever met.......just very rowdy

Suckerfish and the rest of the crew are awaiting a new stand for their 50 gallon tank and there have been no more adventures under the bookcase since adjusting the water level and filter location.
LB got an early acceptance to her 1st choice college and is rocking it hard core as the FFA president, student director of Chamber Singers and all the other stuff she's busy with........
PC will graduate in May though it was touch and go there for minute last week due to an audit error with her courses........she's also apparently a WONDERFUL nanny according to rumors!!  :)
Mr. P is super busy with school......he seems happier this year and BUSY BUSY BUSY!!

As for me, professionally, I LOVE my job.  I cannot say it enough:

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

I have a super boss, work with some wicked nurses and am learning tons from a talented psychiatrist!!!

It's a rare day I wake up thinking "Ewww I don't want to go to work"

I love doing the "Friday dance"......I get a kick out of therapy groups.......It's so much fun to take YD to work and watch the patients faces light up when they can play with him.......My job rocks!!

I've resigned myself after a discussion with another literary agent to self publish the books......I hope to have this done before the end of the year.

Letters to Y......will be first to hit the net, followed closely by Lily Unguilded (though the name may change).

I'm working on a scary book now.........it must be pretty good because I scared the living daylights out of myself writing before bed and had a very real, terrifying dream.........

That's about it for now........