When speaking to a new friend of mine, Hound Dog, I told him the following:
People either love me or hate me. There is really no in between and I'm quite used to it.
He was surprised that anyone could hate me. But trust me....there are plenty of people out there who do.....
Like my Canadian stalker........How you doing anyway girl? Ain't seen you around lately......
Or my other stalker who continues to hit this blog 7-8x a day......
And.....after being sucked into the Supermassive Black Hole and spit out the other side, I once again realized there is a very fine line between love and hate.
Let me tell you a little story about it........there is someone out there who once professed UNDYING love for me. I'm not going into too many details.....if you want it, BUY THE BOOK!!! Anyway, shit hit the fan because this person could not resolve personal issues........the deep feelings this person changed in nature........trust me, there were still very strong emotions........but those were certainly not love.
Call it a character flaw........I honestly care about other people......
Let me explain it to those who care to listen.....I believe in the inherent good in people.....this doesn't mean that I do not believe in evil.....or that people are evil....I KNOW people can be evil....But...I don't believe people are BORN evil......I think they are made that way......whether something evil crawls into their brain and takes over......or if they are just kicked around so much no one ever cares about them enough to stop the evil....it doesn't really matter....I am not going to change WHO I am......
It doesn't matter how many times I get kicked around.....I will ALWAYS be the person who stops to pick up something for someone else.....or bring someone a cup of coffee to work "just because"......or the person who takes on an extra task.......it's just part of the person I am
I've also been called a "Brown noser" for this type of behavior....it's not that at all....it's that I CAN do it......I WANT to do it.......and the other person has a NEED.......
Just a little more about this.....I ENJOY doing things for other people.....I DO NOT RESENT IT.....
What I RESENT is other people putting THEIR feelings ON me........
Let me say this....I know how to say "NO"......I'm very good at it.....I just often CHOOSE not to.....
Please tell me WHY I should say "no" to someone when what they are asking will not hurt me, them, or anyone else? Yeah........get back to me when you have a logical reply........
Let's change tunes for a minute...........I am a nice person........but.......I also choose to keep my wicked temper under control. I came into this world kicking and screaming......if you don't believe me, ask my father. Ask Polyester. I am tough, mean fighter when I have to be..........and I fight dirty. Point, I keep myself on a chain on purpose.......it's a nicer world when you choose to LOVE rather than HATE.
Love me or hate me......it really doesn't matter.......because you're not indifferent........either way, I'm on your mind so I win........HA!!!
However, for my haters.........maybe you should think about the things that drive my moral compass.....as I've said before, it doesn't always point due North.......but it's no where near the South either......
Yep........I really TRY to live my life this way.......When I say "I love you" to someone, I mean it. I believe that we were meant to love one another. It's not wrong to love another person......it's never wrong to love them. Even if that's for a short time.......or a lifetime......
Trust......yeah...that's a different story....I've trusted the wrong people repeatedly but ....that's a tricky one.
Doing wrong to none.......that ensures you can sleep at night........trust me, when I've done something wrong....and I did it on purpose....I don't sleep and I personally have to fix it........
I guess that means, if you ever hear "I love you" come out of my mouth, you need to understand it's not just lip service. Below is one more piece of my personal belief system and why I feel like I've landed in a great place with my job..........As the New Year quickly approaches, this little nugget will be my resolution and when I go back to work later this week, it will be my daily goal:
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