Thanksgiving & Other Sappy Stuff

It's that time again............when we are expected one day a year to sit back and think about everything we should be thankful for........yep, one day a year.......it's kind of pathetic isn't it?  In our hectic lives, we can only devote one day a year to counting our blessings.  Yep......that's what our society has come to.......

Oh well, here it goes:

1.  I'm obviously thankful for my family.......the whole big mess of them....the ones that I don't see very often...who bounce around all over and live very far away.  But, I'm particularly fond of Mr. P & I am actually very grateful for him every day.  Even on days I fuss about his little annoying things, I am thankful for that man.  I am thankful to have been able to be able to provide a safe haven for my PC as she moved home.  I'm thankful for my Little Bit.  There is no one who can know how thankful I am for her.  I'm also very thankful for my brother Joe......

2.  I'm thankful for Yellow Dog.  I adore the big fluffy marshmallow.  As I am sitting here, cooking turkey dinner and writing, he is sitting at my feet.

He is just amazing.  He took the pain of Bonnie away and I am thankful for him every single day.   I am also pretty damn thankful for our little sausage, Petey Weetie & Funny Face Henry Poncho Pittie Maybe Mastiff Holy Gunna Be A Big Dog Puppy.

3.  I'm grateful for my job and some wonderful co-workers.  I love them, even on days when we are grouchy with each other.  It's a high stress environment.  It's hard work.  It's long days.  But, I love you guys and I am thankful for you.......

4.  I'm thankful for my horses and the wonderful place we've landed.  We are truly blessed.  I love them each for the special creatures they are:  Sam, Eve, Sundance, Nitro, Oreo, Libby, Bonanza & 2Socks.

5.  I'm thankful for my writing support team.  We are going to get this stuff published.  I just have to be patient and listen to what they are saying.  I'm sure Joe Green Eyes knows what he is talking about.  I am thankful for your advice.  Yes, I am listening.  Yes, I am taking it.....

6.  I'm oh so thankful for white chocolate mocha.

7.  I'm very thankful for synthroid and topomax & getting rid of Elvira.  After 18 mos, I'm FINALLY feeling well.  No more pain.  No more lethargy.  No more headaches.  18 pounds off and counting.  :)

8.  I have to say that I am thankful for veneers.  I can smile again.  Really smile.  While this is just a short term cosmetic fix......I can laugh and smile and be happy.  For anyone who cares, I am really happy.

9.  I'm thankful for new friends.  There are some very special people who have come into my life and our lives........It's been 19 mos exactly since we moved to Fulton.  We have all made some new friends & this is our home.  While I know it may sadden some of our old friends and family, it's unlikely we are ever coming "home".  St. Charles and the life we had there is a long time ago really.  I miss Jamie.....I miss Lisa....I miss Angela......but I'm thankful for my new life in Central Missouri & the new friends that not only I am making but for those people coming into the lives of my immediate family.   

10.  Finally, I'm thankful for anti-stalking laws.  Bright orange is really not becoming on anyone.  For this, I am also thankful.  For the record, I am sure someone is reading this.  Other people are sure that person is reading this as well.  I hope you will enjoy your 10x10 cell where you will have to read the same boring magazine every day.  Got to love Evolution.  I"m kinda thankful for that too!!!

There Is Nothing Better Than........

.....a warm fall day & being able to walk out of the back door of your barn to see this:

Unless perhaps it's this:

I cannot tell anyone how happy I am to have Bones back with us and to be able to tell my BFF that he will NEVER go anywhere again.  PINKIE PROMISE.

Now, get your cute little arse end out here so we can ride these fatties before winter hits full force!

Just a Little Tease

As I sat down in the amazing chair my Uncle Jake bought me as a graduation present.  It fit perfectly under the window of my dorm room and look out over the quad.  I loved this chair.  It was chic and funky at the same time.  I looked out over the quad, it was a flurry of activity with girls moving in.  There were hugs and tears and even cursing as a dog on a leash would occasionally tangle up a dad trying to move heavy boxes into the lobby of one of the buildings.  A pet friendly campus was one of the draws to choosing this school

Holy shit, I was actually moved into my dorm.  Freshman year at college and it was going to be freaking amazing.  

A sudden motion caught my eye.  Athena, my tiger striped cat found her new condo kitty and had jumped from the floor to the top  ledge.  She peered out the other window for a moment and then curled up in a ball.  Looks like the accommodations are more than appropriate.  

I snagged my schedule from my desk.  I didn't want to miss orientation for my work study program this evening.  I was completely thrilled.  I got my first pick:  stable hand!!!  Something I was used to and loved to do.  I also was hoping to be able to get one of the coveted exercise positions but those usually went to upperclassmen.  If it happened, it happened; if not, no big deal.  Life was just about perfect.

All except for that one little thing.  The one thing that could not let me ever truly be at peace.  The thing that always had me looking over my shoulder and would sometimes wake me up at night in a cold sweat.

The reason why I didn't want to go away to college, leaving my parents but especially my mom.  It's not what you might think.  I am not afraid for myself.  I worry about them.  Both of them.  With me no longer at home, it might leave them vulnerable to the wicked thing.

Trust me, if I had my way, I would take care of it.  But, just how do you deal with a psychotic nineteen year old girl who stalks your family and is fixated on your parents?

Well.............there it is.  The prologue of the book.
We are still working on the artwork for the cover.  
Thankfully, there's been A LOT of new material for it recently (wink wink)

If all goes well, this book should be available by the end of January.  I met with the editor over a really yummy cup of white chocolate mocha and James said that we are going to push for a hard back publish INSTEAD of an online gig.

While mentioning my editor, I have to thank him for some serious guidance on this book.  The original write of this book felt so much like "Letters" that it pretty much was the same book with just a different topic.  With gentle suggestions and careful considerations and then a heartfelt "Honey, pitch the whole F***ing thing and start over.  The topic and the STORY is a moneymaker but the style is used up."

So, I threw the whole thing.........all 623 pages in my trashcan computer and hit DELETE
I started FRESH with a new perspective.  

Once we really got into the editing of the book and changing the direction of this book, it became very liberating and freeing.  I have to say something here:

For several years, I have allowed people to walk on me for fear of losing clients when in reality, I needed to be a super big bitch and set very strict boundaries and limits.  I also let people know that I cared about them.....this gave them power over me with three words.  "You scared me."

I have news for every person who ever said that to me AFTER I pulled my bitch card and played it.  I was PROTECTING myself after you tried to screw me out of money, my livelihood and in many cases....breaking the law.

Case in point, there was a peach of a young lady who made it a point to break the rules.  She consistently rode with her cell phone out texting and when she was called on it & I took her cell phone away during drill team, I was called the wicked witch of the west.....only not so nicely.
Trust me, that sweet young thing mad the Godfather movies look rated G with as many times as she threw the F Bomb at me.  Then, after walking off MY ranch, she came back to give it to me again.  I never raised my voice.  I did not curse back.

Yet, the next day, I was informed that "You scare us."

Nah, it's an excuse and a way to try to bully me not into using the law to come after what is rightfully mine such as unpaid board, stiffed farrier and vet fees that I had to pay, charges posted to feed store accounts, stop payment on checks for services rendered, and yes, even horses that were sold to clients who merrily walked off with them without finishing paying for them.  

I turned the other cheek but "You scare me" was left ringing in my ears.

I am really sure that when you accepted that FREE HORSE after yours died of colic because your mother had to run for a cup of coffee instead of continuing to walk him, "I scared you"..... I'm also sure when you spent countless hours in my house year after year, "I scared you".

My response to this is now "Whatever"..............but I digress.
As those of you who know me have watched, there has been a transformation as this liberation took place.  

While it may be cliche', the saying is so very true:  The truth will set you free.
Sadly, some people cannot tell the truth.
It's not they don't want to; they are SICK.
When you have had a psychotic break and are experiencing delusions, hallucinations, and appear to have more than one mental illness going on, you can't help it.

While I may pity you, I will not allow myself to be trapped.  
YOU, my friend are the scary one.

Deep, deep dark levels of scary.

I also want to thank my friend for helping me understand schizoaffective disorder.
While I am not going to change my view and turn this book into something with fuzzy bunnies and unicorns that blow glitter and butterflies out their nostrils, I understand it's IMPOSSIBLE for the truth to set the antagonist of my book free.

She's a prisoner of her own mental illness.

Sawed Off Double Barreled Shotgun

Sometimes you just got to fire off a round to remind people that you are not to be messed with.

Sadly, when you are forced to fire off a round, it's often because people cannot leave things be.
People have their own agendas and just don't want to admit to it.
While trying to manipulate the world to see things their way and try to make themselves feel better, they twist things around.......all the while......forgetting the truth.........

Honesty and integrity are lost on these people and when you raise the shotgun up, they go:

"Whaaaaaat did I do???"

Figure it out.

Realty vs. Delusions

The reality is, I don't really pay much attention to things that are not right in front of me.  I don't have time any more.  I'm too busy with the things that matter in my life.  So, I still find it amusing there are people who think I care about what they are doing or even give them a passing thought.

I know for a fact, though I am not going to reveal exactly how I know this, that I am being stalked almost daily by someone.  Since I know you are reading this I have some sage advice:

Move on.  Get over it.  Seek professional help.

There are some serious delusions that I care about what people who have come into my life and left for whatever their reasons were.  I don't.  I'm happy.

I have a great job that I love.........even on days when it's rough, I really love my job.
I have my two kids and my two dogs.  My horses are safe and happy.
Our new home is awesome.

I have created a new life.  This is reality.