Wow!!! I cannot believe it's been so long since I posted here. I guess I've been busier than I realized. Funny how when your life changes so radically so quickly, you forget to sit back and relax. I guess that's what I'm doing tonight.
Good night for it since my cell dropped out of my pocket this evening and hit the top of my phone with the corner. It came down hard. The whole top of my foot is swollen and black; I'm not so sure I didn't fracture something.
Anyway, while I am sitting with it propped up, I caught myself reflecting on the last year. It's been a whirlwind! There have been quite a few ups. And, lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of downs.
I suppose the biggest change outside of the move was the decision to close our ranch. It's been very hard on us, especially Little Bit because it's all she's ever known. Boarding is something we HAVE to do and neither of us are happy with it. It's limiting. We are at the mercy of other people. Unfortunately, due to decisions we made, choices if you will, we must live with the consequences and boarding is one of those.
I think the most important thing I've gleaned from this year is to live with the consequences of choices, even when a catalyst pushed me to "have to" make a change. I was the one who made the decision of "what to do next". When unhappy with the choice, I had no one to blame but myself.
July 2012, I chose to close the ranch. I sold most of the horses and forfeited a hefty chunk of change by not choosing to go forward with purchasing a piece of property. I am happy with that choice. I have not ever once looked back and said "what if...." However, I had no idea what types of changes we would be in for shortly thereafter...............
July 17th, I lose my job. My position was eliminated. It happens. You bet your sweet ass I was angry, especially after relocating our life here for that job and hubby giving up his job of 17 yrs. I suppose I could have gone all crazy and had a lawyer sue since I had emails and contracts and letters confirming my appointment would continue and a signed contract; but, what do you do really? Tons of people across the U.S. have experienced this. I did what I felt was the best choice: Go look for a new job.
July found us with more sadness as our dear sweet Sophie lost her eyesight completely. She injured herself and while on the mend, hurt herself again. Little Bit made a tough call and opted to put her beautiful mare down. She could no longer safely go out in the pasture and it seemed cruel to leave her stalled 24/7. Not to mention, that would require HUGE amounts of hay and it was SCARCE!!!!
From July until October, we barely scraped by. The only thing keeping us going was selling off the horses and equipment. We made a list starting with the horses that we knew could easily find homes and those that were "business" horses....basically now just standing around since we were no longer working. .To make matters worse, we had to deal with the "handyman" living in our house, not paying the electric as he was supposed to per our landlord and running the bill up to just under $1000.
Late August, I though my world would end. Lady Eve was bit by a copperhead, once on her leg and then the deadly bite in the muscle on the right side of her neck. We waited days to see if the poison had envenomed in her bloodstream. I prayed every time I opened the barn door that she was on her feet and not lying dead from a heart attack. She pulled through the dangerous days and our whole family worked tirelessly to pack the wound and keep the flies out. We were lucky and I was so thankful that I barely noticed how tough every day was.
In October, we caught a break. I was offered an amazing job and the guy moved. However, the break was short lived as we were still playing catch up and our landlord started making noises about selling the property.
Why didn't we just say "Done and head back from whence we came?"
Little Bit..........she was happy and loving life, even though things were tight and we struggled, she was thriving in her new environment. Nothing was going to change that; we made a commitment to doing whatever was needed so she could stay where she felt at home.
The threat of selling the house loomed over us through the holidays, with a broken dishwasher and stove, the only thing saving both Thanksgiving and Christmas was my mom and brother bringing out food. Hell, if my mom had not brought food out to us, I'm sure we would have been much thinner. After all, we still had our few riding horses and they always eat before us..........
By late winter, we were tired. The constant issues at the house and frustration at the little acreage ranch were building. We decided to move the horses into a boarding facility, especially as we just couldn't even ride out there, the property owner was too afraid of a fall. Little Bit cried for days. Boarding scares her since as long as she can remember, we either owned the barn or I was a trainer for the barn where my horse were. This time, we would pay cash and pray they took care of our horses. It came with a heavy price tag, heftier than just our board. We had to sell 2 more horses and our sheep. Heartbreaking since just 7 weeks later, we moved to yet another barn. Call me crazy but if you are paying for someone to feed your horses........they should feed them. Let me be more specific, feed them properly. This means no mold in the hay, grained 2x a day with their supplements and fresh water.
Our new move meant more money out and more sacrifices. Harry our Llama was sold to the petting zoo who bought our breeding bucks years ago. He's down the highway a piece and happy as he can be. During this little mess, we ended up with a shot engine on hubby's truck.
Did I mention PC's apartment building burned down as well? If you ever wished our family bad luck, your wish was granted.
Things seemed "ok" at the new barn. The barn manager offered LB a job cleaning stalls in exchange for her board. Kid worked her ass off and the cheapskate paid her a measly $2.50 an hour. It didn't even come CLOSE to trade out in her board. Not to mention she was treated like dirt by the boarders and the "interns" all of whom kept their horse's there for FREE in exchange for cleaning 1-2 stalls a day. LB was feeding 40+ horses, watering them and mucking out 13-17 stalls a day. Yeah, life's not fair............we know.
However, this was the LEAST of our worries as we woke up one morning to find there had been a minor fire in our living room. Either an electrical cord sparked or the outlet and the curtains caught fire. Thankfully, the only thing ruined was a small bit of old wallpaper and the curtains. But, I'd had enough. We were moving...........AGAIN
I've aid once before that my life is a cosmic joke, we get a text from our LL saying "I need to talk to you guys" to which I respond "Ok good but you need to know we're moving by July 1". I got silence after that. Two days later we get a knock on the door from an appraiser and an electrician. Seems our LL sold the house pending the appraisal and just "forget" to tell us.
Somehow, by the grace of God, we found a house in our same neighborhood. It doesn't have electrical issues. It doesn't have unwelcomed house guests. There are no ghosts or gas leaks or $1000 electric bills. We've now been here 21 days.
Our horses have been moved again as well. Let's just say I continue to have issues with my horses not having clean water and people not providing hay to them. We've landed in a very quiet barn. There's no show team here or push to "turn and burn". There's no competition. There are a handful of horses owned by college students who show up once in a blue moon....vet school is hard and time consuming. There's also a professional saddlebred trainer who comes out, fusses with his 3 training projects and leaves. No one but LB and I use the arena. It's kind of fun to be riding out behind the barn as the dinner theatre 1099s re-enactment dinner train comes by and the passengers press their noses to the window while the conductor blows his horn "hello" to us.
For the 1st time in over a year, I am at peace. I love my job (though there were times I thought otherwise). I love my house. I love the quiet, stillness of the barn. And, it reminds me that I've made my bed so in it I must lie.
I cannot hold onto the regret of some of the horses that have been sold or who have passed on. I encourage others who read this to do the same. I also have found that cherishing every day is so important because you never know when you may have to make a decision and live with the consequences............
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